Time to put on my Big Girl Panties

So I'm 3 weeks into training...

Honesty check, I'm not feeling it yet.  I don't feel the excitement I did a year ago and I wondered why.  My runs have gone good so far with the exception of this weekend.  More on that in a minute.  

The image above pretty much sums up my thoughts on my Thursday morning run, which makes me laugh a little.  I think I have made it pretty clear that I don't like to run alone.  Confession, at 42 I'm scared of the dark.  Not so much the dark, as much as what's out there that I can't see.  Example?  Last Saturday's long run took us on an unlit  "country" road where we came along something moving in the ditch.  Turned out to be a skunk that was not at all scared of us!  If I had been alone, I think I would have melted into a puddle right then and there.  I don't like running alone in the dark!  But running with me in the dark is never without entertainment.  Just ask the guys, I'm always good for a laugh  

So back to Thursday, I was scheduled to do my first tempo run & I have been joining a group that meets on Tuesday & Thursday.  We all run different paces & distances but start out together and eventually break off into 2 or 3 groups.  Well, I was a group of one when it was time to turn up the speed, which was a little scary for me.  I just kept telling myself to suck it up and get through it.  I guess I can't technically say I ran alone, the group was there, just not "right" there.  I did make it through & I was proud of myself for kinda running solo.  Baby steps....

I have promised to train smarter this time around so when my leg didn't feel right the last 2 miles of the run, I went home and immediately iced.  As the day went on the pain never completely went away and the hubby thought it looked swollen.  So, I'll see the dr. and maybe its nothing but maybe its something.  We will see and if needed get a game plan going earlier than later.  Needless to say, I took the weekend off!

So now back to the lack of excitement.  I found myself in a love/hate relationship with Facebook these last two weeks.  I love the feature that shows you your memories from years past, but its been hard to read through the posts from last year.  I read the excitement and anticipation in them and feel bad because I know the outcome and the person writing them at the time didn't.  I read all the comments of encouragement and confidence from friends that I was going to come home having qualified last year.  This blog was meant to hold me accountable and that is still its purpose but man its hard.  Its hard to continue to write about the journey not sure if anyone is going to continue to read and support.  Or will people read and think "just another run in a journey that will come up short again?"

I guess either way, my journey continues.  I will visualize the goal and document my thoughts.  I will put on my Big Girl Panties and run through the fear!

Wish me luck!

P.S. Good luck to everyone running races tomorrow!  I will be your cheering for you!