Time to put on my Big Girl Panties

So I'm 3 weeks into training...

Honesty check, I'm not feeling it yet.  I don't feel the excitement I did a year ago and I wondered why.  My runs have gone good so far with the exception of this weekend.  More on that in a minute.  

The image above pretty much sums up my thoughts on my Thursday morning run, which makes me laugh a little.  I think I have made it pretty clear that I don't like to run alone.  Confession, at 42 I'm scared of the dark.  Not so much the dark, as much as what's out there that I can't see.  Example?  Last Saturday's long run took us on an unlit  "country" road where we came along something moving in the ditch.  Turned out to be a skunk that was not at all scared of us!  If I had been alone, I think I would have melted into a puddle right then and there.  I don't like running alone in the dark!  But running with me in the dark is never without entertainment.  Just ask the guys, I'm always good for a laugh  

So back to Thursday, I was scheduled to do my first tempo run & I have been joining a group that meets on Tuesday & Thursday.  We all run different paces & distances but start out together and eventually break off into 2 or 3 groups.  Well, I was a group of one when it was time to turn up the speed, which was a little scary for me.  I just kept telling myself to suck it up and get through it.  I guess I can't technically say I ran alone, the group was there, just not "right" there.  I did make it through & I was proud of myself for kinda running solo.  Baby steps....

I have promised to train smarter this time around so when my leg didn't feel right the last 2 miles of the run, I went home and immediately iced.  As the day went on the pain never completely went away and the hubby thought it looked swollen.  So, I'll see the dr. and maybe its nothing but maybe its something.  We will see and if needed get a game plan going earlier than later.  Needless to say, I took the weekend off!

So now back to the lack of excitement.  I found myself in a love/hate relationship with Facebook these last two weeks.  I love the feature that shows you your memories from years past, but its been hard to read through the posts from last year.  I read the excitement and anticipation in them and feel bad because I know the outcome and the person writing them at the time didn't.  I read all the comments of encouragement and confidence from friends that I was going to come home having qualified last year.  This blog was meant to hold me accountable and that is still its purpose but man its hard.  Its hard to continue to write about the journey not sure if anyone is going to continue to read and support.  Or will people read and think "just another run in a journey that will come up short again?"

I guess either way, my journey continues.  I will visualize the goal and document my thoughts.  I will put on my Big Girl Panties and run through the fear!

Wish me luck!

P.S. Good luck to everyone running races tomorrow!  I will be your cheering for you! 

Taking advice from a classic

Here we go again!  Week 1 of training started this past Monday for the 2016 Houston Marathon.  This will be my next and 3rd attempt to qualify and check off that pesky Boston Marathon off my bucket list.

It has taken all week to put my thoughts together and I'm still struggling to sort them out but the one phrase that continues to run through my mind is a quote from the latest movie version of Cinderella...."Have Courage, and Be Kind".

This first week went well and I feel pretty good.  There weren't any pace goals & no speed work so a pretty normal running week of me.  I went for a little longer run than was scheduled today.  I have some friends training for a half marathon in 2 weeks.  I asked to join them on their long runs a few weeks back and they keep asking me back, so I ran their scheduled 12 miles with them.  We had a great run. The weather was gorgeous with ideal temperatures.  They are ready and will have a fantastic race!

Back to what I believe will be my mantra for this round of training.  I am no Cinderella but I'd like to believe that I am kind and that its courage that keeps me striving to achieve my goals.  Not just courage to achieve my goals but courage to seek kindness and light in a sometimes dark world.

I'll keep you posted.  Wish me luck!

Where were you when the world stopped turning.....

Fourteen years....It seems a lifetime ago but on this day every year my emotions get the better of me.  As I changed my photos on Facebook last night in remembrance I wondered why it still feels so fresh every year.  

This morning I thought about where I was, where I've been and where I am now.  I am not the only person in this country affected by the events of that day.  There's not a person alive that I think wasn't/isn't affected.

Fourteen years ago today, I was engaged to be married in one month, we had bought our first home, it was sparsely furnished and we both left that morning to jobs we loved.  It seemed, like everyone else starting their day, we had a beautiful future in front of us.  Don't misunderstand, very little changed for us, we were still married but there sure was uncertainty.  

At the time, I worked for American Eagle Airlines, American's regional and we were just settling in with our VP to listen to our morning briefing.  It was a normal morning of covering the day before operation, delays and the forecast for the current day.  Our facilitator wasn't too far along in his briefing when he let everyone know that there had been an incident in New York involving an airplane.  As any airline employee would do, we held our breath, prayed it wasn't us and prayed for the airline and people on board.

I had recently been trained as a CARE team member in the event our airline had an accident and when it was confirmed that it was indeed American, I immediately called to activate my status not knowing where they would send me or how long I would be gone.  My next call was to my soon to be husband to let him know that I basically didn't know anything but would keep him updated.  As the Lord does always, he was watching over me and I was sent to the Command Center to assist in assigning members to victims families, so I was staying local.  At this point we had no idea this was a terrorist attack.  It wasn't until our second airplane went down in Washington, D.C. that the full scope of what was happening came to light.  

The next week, I spent my days & evenings helping to send CARE team members to the families of the Flight Attendants lost.  I have read a lot of posts today about the unsung heroes and I could not agree more!   

When I decided I wanted to be a Flight Attendant at the very naive age of 19, I thought all it would entail was a smile at the airplane door and the ability to push a cart down the aisle and serve drinks to thirsty passengers.  Plus I dreamed of all the places I would travel.  Boy, did I learn a lot in the weeks of training I, along with 20 others were required to complete.  

On this day, I remember those Flight Attendants who I only knew by name.  I never met any of them but I know they did their job to the best of their abilities and for that I thank them.  While I had a wedding to look forward to and a future of wonderful unknowns that resulted in three beautiful children, job promotions for both my husband & I, 2 homes filled with love and laughter and the blessing to leave a job I loved dearly but felt that desire to be with my kids more; these beautiful, strong, courageous individuals said good bye to their loved ones that day not knowing it would be for the last time.  

So my friends, if you are reading this, I would ask that while airline travel has become a little more difficult, lines are long, airplanes are packed, there's little room for your carry-ons, please thank the individual at the door, greeting you with a smile and know that they will do everything to keep you safe.   

In remembrance of:

American Airlines Flight 11

Pilots
Captain John Ogonowski
First Officer Thomas McGuinness

Flight Attendants
Barbara “Bobbie” Arestegui
Jeffrey Collman
Sara Low
Karen Martin
Kathleen Nicosia
Betty Ong
Jean Roger
Dianne Snyder
Madeline Sweeney

American family members
Laurie Neira
Renee Newell

American Airlines Flight 77

Pilots
Captain Charles “Chic” Burlingame
First Officer David Charlebois

Flight Attendants
Michele Heidenberger
Jennifer Lewis
Kenneth Lewis
Renee May

American family members
M. J. Booth
Eddie Dillard
Captain Bud Flagg (Retired)
Dee Flagg

United Airlines Flight 175

Pilots
Captain Victor Saracini
First Officer Michael Horrocks

Flight Attendants
Robert Fangman
Amy Jarret
Amy King
Kathryn LaBorie
Alfred Marchand
Michael Tarrou
Alicia Titus

United Airlines Flight 93

Pilots
Captain Jason Dahl
First Officer LeRoy Homer

Flight Attendants
Lorraine Bay
Sandra Bradshaw
Wanda Green
CeeCee Lyles
Deborah Welsh

Welcome to Lake Highlands D3, Well Done!

This comes a few days after the conclusion of 3 straight weekends of soccer because to be honest the emotions were just too raw on Sunday.  I wasn't sure why, hormones, frustration over parent behavior (mine included), irritation at poor sportsmanship from opponents, etc.  It wasn't until I looked at the date yesterday that it hit me.  Even while living in the moment of the here & now, your sub conscience remembers.

Our last game Sunday was very important, not that any leading up to this point weren't, but because of the decisions made by the coach of the previous game as well as our team not playing to the best of their abilities, it was that much more important that we get the win.

As I sat on the sideline during the halftime break with our team down 0-2, I began to pray St Patrick's Breastplate. I said it over & over & over.

When the girls returned to the field, I felt an overwhelming wave of emotions to the point I had to get up and walk away.  I hurt for them but was so proud!  As I was walking away, I continued to watch the play on the field.  I saw IVZ receive the ball and make a run.  I watched her do this at least 3 times.  I watched her open up her stride and appear to float, with the ball at her feet, across the field.  While she never made it in the net, she shot and got right back in there.  EVERY girl out there, fought, won the ball, looked for the open opportunity and GOT BACK IN THERE!

I told IVZ that morning, thanks to the wise words of my co-manager, win or lose, D1, D3, Lake Highlands or Plano, I was proud of her!  She is stronger, more confident and athletic than I EVER was or am!  I continue to pursue my goals because of HER!

In the end, the final second of the game, we took a corner kick and it was a beautiful moment.  The ball sailed through the air & hooked right into the top right corner to tie the game!  Through everything, the rejoicing of the parents, the tears of joy on the girls' faces made it all better.  We may not always get along, we may not see eye to eye but in a family who always does?  That's what we are, family.

Now as far as the emotions and why they were so overwhelming, Sunday marked 2 years since  Grandpa Beach left to watch over us from heaven.  He didn't get to see IVZ play a lot, but when he did, he loved to see her run.  So, I believe in my heart, 100% he was the wind beneath her wings!

I want to conclude my post today by thanking our coach & the founder of our club.  First, Coach, your consistent pushing them to dig deeper, your patience, your honest reflection on how you can be better and how you have NEVER given up on them makes you stand out above all the rest!  Lastly, but surely not least, Coach Smith, your integrity in the face of criticism proves that this Club is not about how many wins we have but about what type of players we are developing!  Thank you for your constant support and strong faith!

05G Penn is ready to take on this next challenge!  Wish them luck!

Galatians 6:9 - Let us not become weary in doing good.......

Galatians 6:9 - Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

The last month has been completely focused on soccer since IVZ's big signing day.  The girls have met twice a day, every day for a week with running and conditioning in the mornings, practices in the evenings, weekly skills sessions and countless rain checks on dates with friends.  All in preparation for this weekend and the goal of successfully entering 

Lake Highlands Girls Classic League Division 1.

Today we finished with a 1-1-1 record for the weekend.  It was not enough and so we play again next week.  As I watched the girls come towards the parents with tears in the their eyes, I wondered where I would find the words to ease my child's disappointment when I too was feeling the same.  

Sometimes being the parent stinks because you want to feel down too but as we walked off the field, I told her it was okay to be sad, disappointed, mad even but there is a lesson to be learned and something to take away from every experience.  God has a plan and a reason for everything.  We need to have faith and know that for everything there is a reason.  I'm not sure if she nodded in agreement to get me to stop talking or not but it was important that she & I both hear that.

I haven't been running much and I've been using soccer as the excuse but if I'm really honest its because deep down I'm still disappointed in myself.  I understand the hard work the girls have put in, how they visualized winning and celebrating only to come up short.  

Isn't it funny how you start off trying to teach and end up being taught.  We can learn a lot from our kids.  IVZ will get another shot at her goal and if I know her and the team, they will come back stronger!  I hope to, too!

Wish us luck! 

Today's road ended on the soccer pitch!

I haven't posted in awhile but its not from lack of things going on but because of what has been....

My running has taken a backseat recently to a very big event "I" has been preparing for.  Today was her day and I want to make sure I capture all that has transpired leading up to it.  My girl has been playing soccer since she was 4 (she's 10) and it seems like a lifetime ago since that first game that she refused to even get on the field.  When I think back, I laugh because I was convinced this was going to a VERY short lived hobby.  Her coach at the time told her she could be a butterfly if she would get out there....and sure enough he picked her up and she flapped her "butterfly wings" out onto the center of the field!  We haven't gotten her off the pitch since.

First Team
 "Grasshoppers"

Let me tell you something I think I have told you before, I AM NOT COMPETITIVE!  Or at least I wasn't at her age.  I played one season of indoor soccer and didn't like it because my socks kept falling down!  As my dad would say, I just didn't have that "killer" instinct, but somehow, "I" does!  And I love to watch her do her thing!

Found her groove

When we decided to move her into a more competitive environment we really didn't know anything about this sport or what it meant to "play competitively".  We learned a lot that first year.  I saw her lose her love for the game and feared she wouldn't get it back.  Fever United was not our first stop but it would be our last.  She found a home and quickly gel'd with the team and the coaches.  Finding that love again!

One of her first seasons with Fever United

Teammates working together!

Teammates spending time between games!

I'll be the first to admit, Texas sports are insane!  It is crazy to me to have my 10 year old sign a contract and commit herself to a team for a year.  What?!  But that's exactly what she did, without hesitation.  Tonight she signed on the dotted line and committed to Fever United 05G Penn!  Her team has come so far and worked so hard!  I'm proud of each one of them!  At this age, to watch a group of girls support, encourage and love one another like they do is amazing.

Signing her first contract!

Signing Day - Fever United 05G Penn!

So proud of our girl!

As the world watches the Women's World Cup, you have to see similarities in the US team and young teams across the country.  They all love this game, play as a team, depend on one another and win or lose stand as one!  "I" has found this in her team & I can't wait to watch what is next for all of them.

My goal may have been pushed back a year but the Fever girls continue to inspire me.  Their hardwork, perseverance and determination show me that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.  I may be taking the summer off but I wouldn't want to be any other place than on the sideline cheering our team on and watching them do what they do, to achieve the next goal......qualify to play in the Lake Highlands Girls Classic League.

Wish them luck!

Texas Independence Relay

Photo Courtesy of Wim Schalken

What did I just do?!  I just had one of the most memorable weekends of my life, that's what.  While Boston still remains #1 on my bucket list.  I just checked off another that I didn't even know had made the list.  I was one runner in a twelve member team that competed in the Texas Independence Relay (TIR), a 200 mile road race from Gonzales to the San Jacinto Monument just outside of Houston.

Our map!

Firing the Cannon 

First Leg of our 200 mile journey

So I will admit that I don't know a lot about Texas History.  I'm not a native of the state nor do I claim to have gotten here as fast as I could.   So doing this race was more about seeing how I would endure it than about following in the footsteps of the brave men that fought for the State's Independence.  I say this, however I was inspired by what the Mayor of Gonzales, Bobby Logan said to each team before the cannon fired to start their race:

Gonzales Mayor Bobby Logan's inspirational TIR send-off speech, Saturday morning, March 28, 2015:

"Good morning and welcome to Gonzales where the first shot for Texas independence was fired. In a few seconds when that cannon fires you will begin your 200 mile trek of the Texas Independence Relay. I know for many of you it is merely a walk in the park. But on your journey to San Jacinto I want you to remember about the 32 men from Gonzales that answered the call to help defend the Alamo. These brave men were the only ones to respond to Col. William B. Travis' plea and some were as young as 16 years old. They gave their all to make Texas the greatest state in this nation. Good luck, God speed and remember the Immortal 32."

Gotta admit, this non-Texas felt a little proud to live in this great state after that!  So, off we went to spend the next sub-24 hours (we hoped) in 2 vans, running 200 miles through the countryside. 

Leg #1

My first hand off!

We started at 12:16 on Saturday but I didn't run my first leg until 7pm.  I was secretly thankful for the later run and the sun at my back.  I don't think I could have survived the afternoon runs on gravel roads with the dust from passing cars choking me.  My teammates that covered those legs are stronger than I and I was in awe of all of them!  I was happy with my time on that first leg and I got one "kill"!  No blood was shed and my kill was a "road kill" although I did see plenty of those!  Passing a runner from another team was considered a kill & it helped to push me to run harder.  Its what I focused on.  Over the course of the weekend I had a total of 6 "kills".  Pretty proud of myself.

Finishing up my night run

Did I mention I spent 2 days in a van with 5 other people that were running anywhere from 4 to 7 miles at time for at least 3 legs, sometimes more?  Can you imagine the aroma of our van?  Thank goodness there was a high school in a town along the way that opened up their locker rooms so we could "freshen" up.  After a hot shower, our van was on rest and we tried to get some sleep.  I've always been able to sleep in a vehicle but apparently that only applies if the vehicle is in motion.  Oh well, who needs sleep anyway, I was too wound up thinking about my middle of the night run.  This was the leg I was most worried about.  I do most of my running in the dark but with people.  This would be the first time I ran solo, in the dark, on a road, in the middle of nowhere, with who knows what in the bushes!  Apparently, the "what" was a spectator cheering runners on from their dark lawn where NO ONE could see them.  I about came out of my skin!  While I appreciated the encouragement, shine a light for goodness sakes!

So now I have to brag on my team for a minute.  I have said before that I am truly blessed to have met this group.  They got me through my marathon training, believed in me and were my cheerleaders!  

Some background first though.   For 2 weeks leading up to the relay I had a lot of restless and sleepless nights.  Besides making sure the kids were taken care of, I needed to figure out how to get to church on Palm Sunday during the race.  I had come to the conclusion that the only way to make it happen was to rent a car on Sunday to go to an evening mass and then head back to DFW after.  Well, our Team Captain was not having that.  He found a 6am mass in downtown Houston and worked out the leg assignments so that I could attend church and not have to drive home alone.  They waited on me and then off we went to finish our portions of the race.  What a team!

Exhausted but spiritually full!

So the goal was to finish in less than 24 hours.....mission accomplished!  Finish time, 23 hours 52 minutes, 4th team to cross the finish line.  What an A-MAZING weekend, with a wonderful, fun loving, prank pulling, super fast group of people I am proud to call friends.  Until next year, my friends.  And as far as that other item on the Bucket List, one of my teammates & new friend is headed to mark it off her list this month!  Wish her luck!

Girl Power on Team BCRC!

Our Bling!
Photo Courtesy of fellow teammate, Wim Schalken

2015 Team Bear Creek Running Co

Complete!