It is not about me!

I've been feeling pretty crummy this week.  It's HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) week at CG.  Anyone that attends camp knows this is my absolute favorite week.  We do A LOT of running, sprinting, and hypoxic training.  I love every minute of it and look forward to week 3.  That is until this week.  Bless the trainer's hearts.  They are trying to make it a worthwhile workout for me but with 50+ campers, who am I to expect individual attention.  Besides, it really doesn't matter what the modified workout is, its not what I want to do.  I want to run, I want to feel my legs working, my lungs expanding & contracting and I want to suck wind when I finish!

Well in the midst of my continued pity party, I went to mass with the kids today.  I knew I needed to ask for some help.  I'm angry and I am shutting out people that care about me, especially The Lord.  I needed to feel his presence and open my heart for the Holy Spirit to fill it and wash the darkness away.

As I sat in church between my boys, Fr. Hoa began his homily.  He spoke about how we all have ideas about who we want to be when we grow up.  That it is great to have ambitions but he explained to the kids that its not about them.  Its not about us.  He reflected on the story of Jonah & the Whale & I'll try my best to paraphrase.  Here is the gist of what Father said to the children......Jonah ran away from God and his instructions to go to Ninevah.  He kept running until during a storm at sea, he was swallowed by a whale.  The whale followed the will of God and "spit" Jonah out on the shores of Ninevah.  It was then that Jonah finally understood that it wasn't his will but God's to preach to the city of Ninevah and save them.

As I sat & listened, I heard the voices of my husband, my trainers, my running group telling me, "Don't rush the process", "remember the bigger picture", "if it takes 6 months before you can race again, its better than never being able to run again".  Through all of these people, the Lord has been speaking to me. Its not up to me when I race again, it is up to him!  I'm not sure I understand where God is guiding me or what he has planned for me but I trust in him and be open to hearing his message!  I need to remember that its NOT about me!

Sorry my friends, please forgive my ugliness this week.  I am a work in progress.